What a rubbish few days! I hate it when I feel unwell, I get so bored. There is only so much daytime telly a sane person can endure without becoming a Jeremy Kyle guest (sitting on the sofa screaming at the telly!).
Anyway I am back on my own two feet and ready to face the world again. We are having a street party tomorrow (weather permitting) for the first ever Armed Forces Day - Horrah! Better go as I have lots and lots to catch up on.

Had a really rubbish day today, I felt awful and in need of dialysis. I can always feel it when I go a 3 day in between sessions. If I was in the hospital for dialysis this would happen every weekend, I would have to go from Friday to Monday each week. I know I am much better at home because I can have dialysis every other day and keep as well as possible.
It is a strange feeling when you need dialysis; I get pins and needles in my hands and my legs get wobbly and I find it hard to co-ordinate my movements. I don't know if other people get this reaction as well or if everyone has their own idiosyncrasies.
I just feel wiped out now and I can't sleep because I have a headache - I sound like such a moaner. I have something to look forward to Sunday Nick is taking me flying in the morning and then my Dad and Mum are coming for lunch. I am really looking forward to it. It is always great to have a relaxing Sunday without going on dialysis it makes it all the more enjoyable.

What's new in my world today? Some rather sad news was received in the Wager household today. A fine Beech tree that grows in my back garden is having to be felled. The local birds will be disappointed as will the bat population that visit it at dusk in the summer months to feed on the myriad of insects that buzz around it. I am very sad that a mature tree has to be chopped down because it has literally outgrown it's surroundings and is now causing imminent danger to the park opposite. I have to admit it is leaning at a strange angle for a tree and a decent storm could see it uproot itself. The tree man is coming next week - I will keep you posted with my tree saga!
On a more serious note - please take the time to fill in the Welsh Assembly Government's consultation doc and write a letter voicing your support for the Opt Out System for Organ Transplantation. The documents are available to download from the Welsh Assembly Web page or from the Kidney Wales website. If you want any more information on the Opt Out System or how you can support Organ Transplantation please email me on mel@kidneywales.com

Once again I am trying to keep a diary of life on dialysis. I say trying because I am hopeless at keeping any form of diary. I have tried to keep a diary every January for the past 20 years! I usually make it to about January 10th and then can’t find anything to write or have lots to say and don’t have the time to sit down and write it.
One of the main problems of writing a diary of dialysis is it ends up sounding as if I am having one long moan about my life. This is far from the truth, if I write down exactly what goes on when you are living with kidney failure I am not moaning; I am just trying to be honest.
I can honestly say that I believe that my life is as good if not better than a lot of people who are perfectly healthy. OK I have to watch my diet and stick to a 500ml fluid restriction daily but I also live every day to the full or try to. I don’t take things for granted as some people might and say thank you for each and every day that I continue to do well on dialysis. I know that I am the only one who can help keep myself well. By watching my fluid intake, diet and ensuring I do my full dialysis time I can keep myself as well as I can be.
I don’t want to gloss over the down side of dialysis and there are days when I feel really awful. So I will try to be as accurate as possible about life on dialysis and the waiting game for a transplant.

Can't say that there is an awful lot happening today except for the fact my memory is getting much much worse, is it age or a side effect of dialysis? I a hoping that it is a side effect of dialysis because the last thing I want to admit to is getting old! When I realised that I w0uod be 40 next birthday I didn't know whether to cry or cheer. After all aking it to 40 is some achievement after all I have been through this year but the vane part of me would rather I could turn back time and relive my 30's again. 30 seemed to be the age where I was wise enough to avoid all the pitfalls but parts of my body still pointed north! Why is it the older and wiser you get the less the opposite sex seem to take any notice of you.
And once again we are on a dialysis day so later on I will be spending another mind numbing 4 hours hooked up to that noisy thing, I swear I will go deaf before i finish dialysis and I wou't just need a kidney transplant I'll need a hearing aid.

I am well and truly bored, once again I can not sleep, I wonder if other dialysis patients suffer from unsomnia. However the first question the doc asks you "Why do you think you can't sleep?" I DONT KNOW, I JUST CAN'T. I mean I have tries everything under the sun drawing the line as sleeping tablets but even those I have has for 3 days ans I must addmit I slept the sleep of the dead/ Please if anyothe reanl patients have any ideas, please pass themon, I'll ry anythinjbut I draw the line at codliver oli and tripe! Otherwise all sujjestiomswelcom.

It sometimes seems as if dialysis days come around quicker and quicker. Yet another 4 hour session which is particularly annoying today because the sun is shining and it is a glorious autumn day. It would be a wonderful day to go out and sit outside in a restaurant o pub and have a few drinks - I can dream can't I?
Nick is training to run the Cardiff half marathon in a month so anyone reading this please sponsor him on the just giving link, he is running for Kidney Wales as usual.
Better go as the machine is calling my name!

Well, I am back - still alive and still kicking! Seriously though, I have recovered well from the car crash I had in March and luckily I am no longer undergoing physio. It was a hard slog to get mobile again after I was sent home from the hospital and it took the services of a fantastic physio called Bob Jones to get my leg bending as normal and me walking with crutches at first then two sticks and now, on a good day, just one stick. My metal work (arm, hand, elbow, knee and thigh) still gives me a bit of jip but on the whole I can't complain. The fact that I survived the wreck that was my car makes me certain that it just wasn't my time yet however I think I have now used a few of my nine lives!
Dialysis is still as boring as ever and I have to admit I would dearly love to be able to forget about my routine for a week or two, take a break from dialysis. This is not an option so it is a case of making the most of an annoying situation and trying to make the most of the time I spend on the machine. It is pointless getting angry or upset about dialysis, I would rather expend my energy on something I can change or at least something I can do something about. As the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr states; God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.
I want to be that wise.

Hello Again

Hello again, my recovery is continuing and I have been able to get out of bed and move around using a modified Zimmer frame. I am lucky enough to have had lots of visitors and cards from people wishing me a speedy recovery. I am hoping to be out of hospital in three weeks at the latest but I do not know if this is just wishful thinking.
Dialysis is going well after doing several extra shifts to get rid of the excess fluid I had on me because of the operations I received. The only thing does not change is the boring nature of sitting on a dialysis machine for four hours.

Message from Mel

Hello this is being posted for me because at the moment I am stuck in the trauma ward of UHW following my car crash. I still have to do dialysis three times a week in Suite 19. The only good thing about it is that I do not have a 45 minute journey to the dialysis unit. It is just downstairs!
I am having physio to help with my injuries and I notice the effort it takes isn't helped by being exhausted after dialysis. I hope to be up and about in the next week and then I will be a step closer to coming home. Once home again we will be able to continue with home dialysis and then the longest trip I will have to make is across my own landing.
I will keep you up to date with my progress and am looking forward to typing my own Blog.

This is surprisingly the first time I have composed anything on Mel's Blog. Unfortunately it is to explain why Melanie has not been able to update the Blog in the past few weeks. She was involved in a very serious road traffic accident on 7th Mar 08. The accident was near to Cardiff airport and was early in the morning.
Melanie suffered many broken bones which thankfully have been repaired and are healing well. Luckily there were no internal injuries and no renal complications, so dialysis goes on as normal.
She is an incredibly courageous lady, who has been through an awful lot recently. Through it all she still manages to keep smiling and keep all around her smiling as well. She is an inspiration and I am proud to be her husband.

Back at last

Apologies for being away from the blog for such a long time, there is no single reason for this but a whole raft of conflicts that have joined together. I have been writing to Nick every night which has given me a chance to put my feelings on paper and so I have not felt the urge or requirement to vent my feelings here, if that makes sense? I hope it does.
I attended a meeting at the Assembly buildings Tuesday and it was extremely informative amd good to know that the issues surrounding and affecting renal services in Wales are taken seriously by the politicians in the Welsh Assembly however there is a big BUT; we need more AM's involved in the campaign to improve renal services and transplant rates in Wales. What can we do as individuals that's easily answered: Lobby your own AM's, write to them, ask to meet them and if they fail to relpy to your requests continue to write until they do. Politicians are there to serve us the public, they are paid out of the public purse. We as renal patients are the public, we are the people who voted our political representatives into office. Never forget this fact.
Ok rant over.
What did become clear to me was the need for a public education programme to make people fully aware of the issue of the opt out scheme (more commonly called the presumed consent system) I personally believe calling it presumed consent is a missnomer and gives people a false idea of the whole idea, hence the need for public education.

Christmas is fast approaching and I don't feel at all Christmassy this year. I have managed to fit in my Christmas shopping in between going to the dialysis unit. It really eats into your time having to go 3 times a week into the hospital.
I had a very interesting conversation with someone yesterday; he felt that there was a lot of emphasis on transplanted patients and those who are on the list when there is in fact a lot of patients who have no chance of a transplant and will be on dialysis for ever.
I have to agree with him and we must make sure that dialysis is as painless and as easy as possible. We need to improve the dialysis units comfort and surroundings and the transport to and from the units could be vastly improved for many patients.
This is something that definitely needs to be brought up in the patients rally in January, I hope that as many people as possible are able to attend.
Merry Christmas to you all.

I have been completely rubbish at keeping up with this blog recently. All I can say is sorry. Life just seems to be escaping me at the moment no sooner have I been to the unit and had my dialysis that I am going back there for the next session. I seemed to do much more with my time when I dialysed at home. That is probably because when I do it at home I don't settle down on the machine until at the earliest 6pm and so I have much more of the day to get things done.
I am just so fed up with driving at the moment, I have clocked up an amazing 1115 miles since Nick left and that is only in 6 weeks. My poor car is going to conk out with exhaustion let alone how I am feeling. I just feel tired all the time and I am finding it increasingly difficult to motivate myself to do even the simplest of tasks. I am just so grateful to my Mum for helping me with the hoovering and with my laundry. That sounds pathetic I know, a 38 year old woman having her mother doing her laundry but I feel as if I am fighting a loosing battle and all I want is to have massive re-enforcements come from the flank and win the war! Anyone have a magic wand handy?
Anyway Merry Christmas.

I am feeling a bit low this past few days, I am recovering from a bought of tonsillitis. It felt as if I had swallowed 2 golf balls and I am sure some one stole my voice and replaced it with someone else's because although it has come back it is still very croaky.
To be completely honest I am very upset because of this infection I had to miss my first WKPA meeting and a weekend at my friends in Norfolk. Isn't it always the same; when ever you are really looking forward to things something usual comes along to spoil it. I know it is because I am so tired and run down with all the traveling I am doing back and forth to the hospital and my parents house. I am feeling so exhausted and I don't ever seem to catch up with myself.When I am tired like tonight I can't sleep and end up feeling even worse the next day. Oh well there's no point moaning about it; moaning about it won't change anything so I'd better just sign off and try and get some sleep. Goodnight or should I say good morning?

It has been an awful day today not only am I feeling incredibly low in my self because my fistula appears to be swollen and is incredibly sore. They have sent some blood tests away to make sure there is no infection there. I can only hope that everything comes back clear as that vein is literally and figuratively my life line. Without that would have to have a Hickman line inserted into my shoulder (which make you susceptible to infections). Then s telephone call came through to the office in Museum Place (the Kidney Wales Foundation Offices) to say that some brainless moron had vandalized the Donor Stone. I felt physically sick to think that some idiot had taken it upon them selves to desecrate the memory and love from all those people and families that the stone is dedicated too. I can not print what I think of people who do things like that. It is senseless. It was even more insulting because they couldn't even be bothered to be imaginative or literate! How would they like people to go into their homes and damage their belongings or to ruin something they had worked hard to achieve was so callously damaged. I can only hope that the graffiti can be removed and that people can eradicate it from their memories and only see the good the Stone has achieved.
There was a programme on tonight about a man from Porthcawl going to the Philippines to buy a kidney. He commented that he doesn't think people can make a moral judgement if they haven't been in his situation. Well I am in the situation and I can make a moral judgement and if he values the lives of other human beings that little that he is willing to risk not only their life but his own and he can look at himself in the mirror afterwards then so be it. Having said that I still do not think it is right what he is doing. As I have said many times, this is only my opinion and people are welcome to answer me and discuss this.

I hope that I will be excused for my erratic postings recently, I am still finding it hard to get into some sort of routine that I can love with for the next 4 months. I have driven over 500 miles in the last 2 weeks! I seem to be permanently on the road either driving to the hospital or my Parent's house. People are under the illusion that I can not possibly be on my own after dialysis. OK I don't feel like running a marathon or for a bus, if I'm honest however I don't need nursing either. All I want to do after I come off the machine is go to bed and sleep. I drive myself to and from the hospital which amazes some people but I am damned if I am waiting around for an ambulance car to pick me up 3 hours before I have to be there and then wait when I come off the machine for a taxi to take me home again. If I used the hospital provided transport I have calculated it would add a possible 3 hours onto my time. I have better things to do with my time than to wait around in Suite 19 of UHW. Which if anyone is interested could do with a serious face lift.
I believe all places of treatment should be as comfortable as possible, however this is not the case in reality. There is always a lack of space in hospitals but to have a waiting room for patients that has wheelchairs taking up the majority of the room and chairs that are hard on the rear I think is wrong. I know it would take money to put it right and that money just isn't there. I get the feeling that renal services are the poor relation of the health service along with geriatric services. Oh I'm ranting again. Sorry. Enough from me for now.

I am having a really bad day today, I was alright when I woke up in my Mum's house this morning it's just that it seems to have gone down hill from there. I feel sick and I've got a sore throat and head ache. I think I've got the on set of a cold because it can't be flu cause I've already had the jab. On top of all this anything and everything is starting me crying today. My God I'm pathetic and I am really getting cross with myself but unfortunately it doesn't stop these feelings. I just wish I could eat something and enjoy it. I am completely fed up with my dietary restrictions at the moment. I seem to go through phases where I won't mind it for months and then bang it gets boring and bland and all you want is to be able to go into a restaurant and order whatever you fancy without having to scrutinise it for banned foodstuffs. Roll on Transplant Number 3 it can't come soon enough. 3 years I've been waiting and I know other people have waited longer but I feel I am missing out on what should be the best years of my life and so is Nick because his life is restricted as well.
Oh I am being a moaner today I'm sorry, I'm not normally so down in the dumps but I'm just having a bad day. I'd better go and lock myself away so I don't depress anyone else.Bye

This will be my third attempt to put this post on today, my computer is being a pain in the neck!
Well another week gone - hooray! I don't often wish time away but every day that passes is another day closer to Nick coming home. That also means no more hospital dialysis (double hooray!). Don't get me wrong, it is not that they are bad or that I don't like the nurses and staff at UHW because they are great and they have been so caring it's unbelievable. It is just that I hate having to stick to a set routine of every Mon, Wed, and Fri @ 4pm I have to go to the hospital. I have a busy life apart from dialysis and having to drop everything and rearrange things is a pain. But I shouldn't grumble. As I said the staff at UHW dialysis unit have been fantastic and they all know Nick and have been asking after him and asking if I'm OK. They are a wonderful group of people who do a difficult job in not very easy circumstances because I am sure they are beset by the problems that seem to be faced by everyone in a "caring profession" these days. That is one thing I don't miss about teaching - the paper work, oh the endless paper work.
I am going to try and post this now 0 if you are reading it I have been successful, if you are not reading this my computer will be in the back garden via an open window!

Well another week nearly over and done with and what a week. I was lucky enough to go to the House of Lords for Kidney Wales' 40th Anniversary Reception. I have to say an excellent time was had by those of us lucky enough to go along. It was an extremely tiring day but well worth the travelling. My only disappointment was that Nick couldn't be with me. Nothing seems to be as much fun when he's not here (in the words of my 11 yr old nephew I'm sad - only he and I have a different definition of the word sad!).
Dialysis is proving to be as much of a chore as I expected. I seem to spend more time on the road driving in between my house, the unit and my Mum and Dad's house than I do in any one place. I now have more clothes in my boot than I do in my wardrobe. I am seriously thinking about getting myself a camper van and just living in that.