I hope that I will be excused for my erratic postings recently, I am still finding it hard to get into some sort of routine that I can love with for the next 4 months. I have driven over 500 miles in the last 2 weeks! I seem to be permanently on the road either driving to the hospital or my Parent's house. People are under the illusion that I can not possibly be on my own after dialysis. OK I don't feel like running a marathon or for a bus, if I'm honest however I don't need nursing either. All I want to do after I come off the machine is go to bed and sleep. I drive myself to and from the hospital which amazes some people but I am damned if I am waiting around for an ambulance car to pick me up 3 hours before I have to be there and then wait when I come off the machine for a taxi to take me home again. If I used the hospital provided transport I have calculated it would add a possible 3 hours onto my time. I have better things to do with my time than to wait around in Suite 19 of UHW. Which if anyone is interested could do with a serious face lift.
I believe all places of treatment should be as comfortable as possible, however this is not the case in reality. There is always a lack of space in hospitals but to have a waiting room for patients that has wheelchairs taking up the majority of the room and chairs that are hard on the rear I think is wrong. I know it would take money to put it right and that money just isn't there. I get the feeling that renal services are the poor relation of the health service along with geriatric services. Oh I'm ranting again. Sorry. Enough from me for now.

I am having a really bad day today, I was alright when I woke up in my Mum's house this morning it's just that it seems to have gone down hill from there. I feel sick and I've got a sore throat and head ache. I think I've got the on set of a cold because it can't be flu cause I've already had the jab. On top of all this anything and everything is starting me crying today. My God I'm pathetic and I am really getting cross with myself but unfortunately it doesn't stop these feelings. I just wish I could eat something and enjoy it. I am completely fed up with my dietary restrictions at the moment. I seem to go through phases where I won't mind it for months and then bang it gets boring and bland and all you want is to be able to go into a restaurant and order whatever you fancy without having to scrutinise it for banned foodstuffs. Roll on Transplant Number 3 it can't come soon enough. 3 years I've been waiting and I know other people have waited longer but I feel I am missing out on what should be the best years of my life and so is Nick because his life is restricted as well.
Oh I am being a moaner today I'm sorry, I'm not normally so down in the dumps but I'm just having a bad day. I'd better go and lock myself away so I don't depress anyone else.Bye

This will be my third attempt to put this post on today, my computer is being a pain in the neck!
Well another week gone - hooray! I don't often wish time away but every day that passes is another day closer to Nick coming home. That also means no more hospital dialysis (double hooray!). Don't get me wrong, it is not that they are bad or that I don't like the nurses and staff at UHW because they are great and they have been so caring it's unbelievable. It is just that I hate having to stick to a set routine of every Mon, Wed, and Fri @ 4pm I have to go to the hospital. I have a busy life apart from dialysis and having to drop everything and rearrange things is a pain. But I shouldn't grumble. As I said the staff at UHW dialysis unit have been fantastic and they all know Nick and have been asking after him and asking if I'm OK. They are a wonderful group of people who do a difficult job in not very easy circumstances because I am sure they are beset by the problems that seem to be faced by everyone in a "caring profession" these days. That is one thing I don't miss about teaching - the paper work, oh the endless paper work.
I am going to try and post this now 0 if you are reading it I have been successful, if you are not reading this my computer will be in the back garden via an open window!

Well another week nearly over and done with and what a week. I was lucky enough to go to the House of Lords for Kidney Wales' 40th Anniversary Reception. I have to say an excellent time was had by those of us lucky enough to go along. It was an extremely tiring day but well worth the travelling. My only disappointment was that Nick couldn't be with me. Nothing seems to be as much fun when he's not here (in the words of my 11 yr old nephew I'm sad - only he and I have a different definition of the word sad!).
Dialysis is proving to be as much of a chore as I expected. I seem to spend more time on the road driving in between my house, the unit and my Mum and Dad's house than I do in any one place. I now have more clothes in my boot than I do in my wardrobe. I am seriously thinking about getting myself a camper van and just living in that.

Many apologies for being away from my blog for so long. Time seems to have got away from me this past week. It doesn't seem to be so long when you say it like that but it has trully been one of the longest weeks I have ever had to endure. Getting used to being on my own is proving harder to do this time around. I am used to Nick going away for a few days at a time but I had forgotten what it was like to be on my own for weeks at a stretch. I am slowly getting into a set routine which will make my life easier by filling my time and not giving me time to brood over missing him. The hardest time is just as you wake up and you for a split second wonder where he is then you remember he is away. Going back to the hospital has been harder than I expected, through no fault of anyone. I have been so used to pleasing myself with times to suit my life having to go back to someone else's routine and having to rearrange and cancel my own arrangements because of it is horrible. There is only so much moving around that the hospital can do to fit in with personal arrangements after all they do have so many other people to think about. I have been lucky that they have arranged my dialysis to enable me to go to the House of Lords on Wednesday. My Mother is coming with me, my little way of saying thank you for all they have done for me - believe me it is small recompense for everything my family have done for me and continue to do (especially with Nick being away).
I have been letter writing once again but not to a politician this time I am afraid I have been writing letter after letter to Nick in a vain attempt to make his life a little less boring whilst he is away. I'd better get back to my barracking of the politicians next week as I am yet to receive a reply from either my AM or my MP. I hope others are fairing better than I.

5 days and counting! That is the way things are going in the Wager household at the moment. Everything is geared around Nick going away. You can't get away from it even though we try not to talk about it too much. I know it's inevitable but it doesn't make it any better. I knew what I was getting into when I married him - then I knew he would be away some of the time. Knowing something and accepting something are one thing you don't have to like it (that isn't written into the bargain!). So when people say to me "But he's in the Forces you must have known he would have to go away!" YES I KNOW. Having said that the people who usually spout these gems of wisdom have normally never spent more than 24 hours away from their partners let alone a birthday, anniversary or major holiday i.e. Christmas. It is only at these times do you fully realise how much you depend upon your partner for company and companionship. Well I do.
Add into the equation the impending trips to the dialysis unit 3 times a week and all in all life is pretty pants right now!!!!!

Wow! I have just spent an absolutely fantastic weekend at a superb hotel in the Cotswolds. Nick and I have been to this hotel before it is called Tortworth Court and I highly recommend it. Beautiful surroundings, fantastic food and friendly efficient staff. What more could you ask for in a weekend getaway? I'll answer my own question - NOTHING!
The real joy of a weekend like this for me comes from the fact that all traces of hospitals and dialysis disappear. OK so I still have to watch my food and drink but hey when you are in a beautiful country house with a spa and the man you love there has to be worse things in life. In fact I would say I am feeling fully recharged and ready to take on the world yet again.
Nick commented that a weekend like the one we have just enjoyed is something we should try to do twice a year. I'm in full agreement and am already planning our next weekend for when Nick comes home from the South Atlantic. I'm not someone who has ever really wanted to travel. I love this country I live in and believe there is so much to see and learn right here on our doorstep in good old GB. I love travelling in this country seeing all the regional differences and eating increasingly good food where ever you go.
Oh well back home and the washing and ironing will have to be done - but it can wait a little longer ....... Bye.

Finally, after my computer nearly ended up n the middle of my back garden via a window! Why Oh why does a lump of plastic and electric cables make you feel so useless? Sadly that is a question I will never be able to answer. As much as I try to fathom the workings of my home computer I am not getting very far.
In a way it is a good thing that my last post was lost in the ether of cyberspace. I was really down in the dumps on Tuesday and I don't know why. I am trying my hardest to not spoil my last week before he goes away but it is proving harder than I thought to block out the fact that he is going away and I have to relinquish my freedom for 4 months.
I will have to hand over my care to the nurses and technicians in UHW. I have been so used to being in control of my own treatment that not having any control will be difficult to say the least. Being shoe horned into a care pattern that doesn't suit me will be purgatory. At least it is only for a few months and there will be light at the end of the tunnel.